Pregnancy and infant loss awareness

"pregnancy and infant loss" image 2 in my conceptual art series "awareness" October is infant and pregnancy loss month. 1 in 4 women experience this pain and emptiness. Chances are if you aren't one of the four, you are close to a woman who is. Society brings shame to it, a hidden secret most women keep tightly woven into their memories. An unexplained feeling of shame and emptiness. My body failed, my baby was taken far too soon.

Waves of pain, this is labor, this feels just like labor, why? blood, is my baby floating down this stream, to be discarded like it was never loved? I want you baby, please don't go. Oh the agonizing pain, the pressure, this is the end. One last gush, i felt your spirit leave my body, i felt your growing life seize, i felt you leave me empty, why? Did i lift something too heavy? Did I yell too loud, eat something bad? Did I push the vacuum too hard, run too fast, stress too much? What have I done to cause this? Why has my body failed at what it was designed to do, why have you left me my sweet child?! I'm too angry, this must be punishment, this must be my fault, I deserve this pain. Why? "your levels are decreasing, come in for a sonogram" I don't need proof, I felt him leave, I felt him escape the protection of my womb It's empty, I know it is, but what if it's not? All the prayers, all the well wishes, all the hope What if hes still there? I've seen enough sonograms, something isn't right, there's no flutter, there's no life Go home to mourn.... You've lost a child, no matter the age, that baby is gone But there's no proof I've lost a child, smile at the check out lane, go to the family gatherings, continue each day as though there is no hole, as though my body isn't broken, as though I never lost the baby that I never got to hold. The baby my body expelled as if it were waste. "But you have your other child to be grateful for" they wonder why I could be so sad, "you can try again" I wanted you! I wanted THIS baby. Just weeks of knowing is enough time to plan an entire future But that curtain closed, the baby clothes went back in its boxes Why couldn't I keep you, safe and warm? I felt this pain 2 times now, not one easier than the other Dreams of them playing with Jesus and being raised in heaven You never feel the sting of life, though my arms are empty I will hold you both so incredibly tight the day God sends for me